The Pre-Apocalypse Plan
April 16, 2008

With all the current eco-friendly, Save the Trees, “Go Green” lifestyle stuff being a huge hit for magazine sales, sometimes I am left wondering; Do people realize that this is natural?

I mean it is proven that the Earth’s climate changes are cyclical in nature. We have a few thousand years of happy fun times, and a few thousand years of ice. That’s right, ice. An Ice Age to be exact. Followed by a crappy sequel, Ice Age 2, with just a brief intermission of what we call, “The Human Race.” It’s like the Earth’s enormous reset button.

So, I am left to wonder. Obviously this Ice Age that we are coming upon isn’t going to happen until our great-great-great-grandchildren’s great-great-grandchildren have great-great-You get the idea. But when that does happen, what will the human race do to survive? I mean, humanity has survived for this long, I hardly think an extended winter’s going to put it out of commission.

So aside from extraterrestrial colonization, which is the most likely solution, my first instinct was, “Burrow.”

I am driving in my car, pondering the logistics of a completely self-sustaining underground society, capable of living for the thousands of years of Ice Age without starving, running out of oxygen, inbreeding diseases that wipe us out, killing each other off from cabin fever (Heeeeere’s Johnny!), etc.

My initial logistical insertion was Reproduction Control. Someone would have to monitor and control who could have children, and when.  As totalitarian as this sounds, overpopulation would lead to starvation, and underpopulation would lead to… well… no population. Kinda what we’re trying to avoid here.

Food would have to be diverse. Plants and animals would have to be kept, grown underground. There would have to be some form of mass-false-sunlight, for two reasons. One, so that food could grow. Two, we would need those plants to keep manufacturing our oxygen.

How big would it be? How much space would you need for crops and livestock? How would you screen who lived in the society and who died above ground? Would you allow expansion? Would you forbid religion? Leave us your comments, suggestions for my secret lair- I mean, hypothetical survival society.