Add Glenn Beck to the stupid list.
July 24, 2008

After today’s Beckism, which is the term I’ll now coin for when any butt-hurt conservative (who’s taken it up the ass a few too many times from the media it owns, and who has failed miserably in any attempt to convince America that “The dead people who died in the surge equals success” and “Gas prices are cause he’s black”) decides to rant on a topic that is of their own creation, with no less whining than a pre-pubescent pop girl who was just told that Miley Cyrus’s tickets are sold out.

Needless to say, Glenn Beck transcended the usual conservative ignorance (or would that be descending?) and launched an attack on the fact that Obama’s got media attention. Let me quote some of the finer gems;

And while Obama was flying from country to country this week in a plane packed with celebrity reporters, McCain flew to an event in New Hampshire. After his Boeing 737 landed in Manchester, he stepped out onto the tarmac and glanced at the one reporter who’d bothered to show up. Yes, one.

I could make an argument that McCain’s campaign has plenty of interesting angles that would sell and rate — but, quite honestly, until this media infatuation phase is over, they’re not even worth bringing up.

McCain may not get my vote, but he gets my admiration for at least offering some substance and new ideas when he speaks. Obama, meanwhile, is like the rock star who’s realized that he can just scream unintelligible words into the microphone between songs, and the entire stadium will still scream. When your fans already love you, there’s no reason to risk it by offering anything that might be controversial.

Wow. Just wow. I didn’t know direct slander was acceptable among the conservative sheep these days. I thought they had decided to play nice this year?

It’s okay, I understand what the problem is. They have a lackluster candidate who can’t tell the difference between Czechoslovakia and… oh. wait.

Or the difference between Sunni and Shiite. Which, methinks, is pretty critical.

Or howait, the Iraq-Pakistan border. GEE GOLLY WHIZ GUYS. That was so clever of him…

So yes, when John McCain starts to pull out the big guns like gaffes on geography, culture, politics, economy, lies about campaign funding, his wives, his stance towards Israel, the reason behind Iraq, his relationship with George Bush, his Alzheime-oh sorry, the ‘age’ thing is off-limits, but ‘experience’ is totally allowed. Such bullshit.

Anyways, this rant wasn’t about John McCain. It’s about Glenn Beck. About how he can cry me a fucking river. If his candidate had more charisma then a piece of driftwood covered in algae that I took from the gulf of Mexico, shat on, threw into an incinerator, mixed the ashes with concrete and poured all over McCain’s arranged burial plot, then maybe McCain WOULD get more coverage.

But no, the GOP decided to throw all their eggs in the McCain basket, even though Republicans hate him, Democrats hate him, independents hate him, and his only real supporters are Joe Lieberman, the man with a million faces, and Glenn “It’s my Party and I’ll Cry If I Want To” Beck.

Oh, and, if I ever met this guy, and he talked to me for more than 4 seconds in a row, I’d have lost all will to continue living and meander in zombie-stance.  Or maybe I’d just knock him the hell out for being such a toxic pollution to the minds of free Americans. Either way, I’d be satisfied.